SAHM~WAHM~WM~just me

In less than a week I will be returning to the classroom as a special education teacher. I quit teaching nearly 3 years ago in order to stay home with my children after the birth of my daughter. It’s been an amazing, life changing few years and I know that I could never do what I am doing now without having gone through these years at home.

Not that I feel I need to explain why I’m going back to work, nonetheless these are the reasons why I am:

Timing: There is absolutely no denying the fact that this job, this school, this time of year, this time of life wasn’t ordained and directed by the Lord. There is no way that I could have entered into this school system, at such a supportive and wonderful school, get my son there also and find a super place for my daughter on my own terms.

Gifts: With fear of sounding like a braggart, I am a good teacher. But I am a good special education teacher. I honestly struggled for a long time when I stopped teaching with wanting to homeschool my son. I finally settled and rested with the ideas that #1 that is not our family, #2 I can’t even begin to understand how to teach “normal developing” children  and #3 that is truly not what God had in the works. I struggled with the idea that I was a college educated, experienced teacher, therefore I should have no problem and it should be natural for me to teach my own children. It took a lot of guts for me to finally admit that, in our case, that is not true.

Identity: When I started this blog, many of my first posts dealt with finding my identity. I really struggled for a long time with who I was. I was truly floundering around and was really confused with that. There are all these labels that hit you the moment you become a mother (hence the title of this post) and I just felt like I needed to fit into one of those labels. But I didn’t. I still don’t. Sure I did stay at home, then I did work at home and now I’m going to be a working mom again; but these past years have really shown me that it’s really just me. I am who I am and I do the best I can do. I am trying my best, daily, to focus on today. I want to be who Jesus longs for me to be…today.

Faith: It is with absolute faith that I, we, walk into this next year. There are still some crazy variables out there (such as a teaching license that is being held hostage by the state) and those scare the pee out of me…I keep waiting for this bubble to burst or something. Therein lies my lack of faith. But it is only with that faith can I know without a doubt that this is what the Lord is leading me to do. This is His path.

I wouldn’t take away the last 3 years for anything. In a very selfish way, these last 3 years have been more about me than about my children. I think…I know that He has grown me so much in these years at home. I’ve experienced things that I never would have if I hadn’t of quit my job. I would never be able to walk into this new path without having gone through the amazing heart changes that have happened. I feel like I am a much calmer, joyous, friendly, comfortable person…which I so wasn’t before (and seriously have a long way to go too!) and that in return makes me a much better mother, wife and person.

I am beyond grateful for that.

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3 thoughts on “SAHM~WAHM~WM~just me

  1. I love that you are unboxable! I love that you do not fit into a single box and that you are okay with that! It truly is a beautiful gift!!!

  2. ok, not the most lady like thing for me to say but, screw labels.
    I think that only those who know themselves well can not be put into a little definable place, and who wants to be the exact same thing their entire life?
    This is what makes a person more approachable, at least in my mind, someone who can mold themselves to different lives, and different observers.
    keep on changing your mind, as long as He is in the heart of the matter, your going to be great!

  3. I think the label thing is exactly what I’ve learned so much about the last few years. It’s not about what I’m doing, or who I think I am. It’s about giving up on expectations…not caring about what others think of me and certainly realizing that I’m never going to come close to living up to what my expectations are for me…but living for today and realizing that that is enough in and of itself.

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