This is truly a venting post. Read on with caution.
I hate decisions. I am a worrier. I don’t let things go. I let them fester. I think of a million different outcomes and scenarios until I wake up at 4am and can’t sleep (partly bc of the foghorn sleeping next to me) but also because I just can’t seem to let it all rest in God’s hands.
Here’s the deal. I am finishing up my current job at the end of May (which honestly I’m SO relieved!). My husband and I are sitting with what next fall will look like. We have 2 kindergarten options for our son (ack!) and I am also pondering going back to teaching full time. At this point, the job search is pretty dry. But it is still early in the game. We are also on a childcare hunt for little chick if I do work.
It’s basically a choice between a very calm and family invested year (with money stress) or a crazy, mad year with all of us going a million different ways (but with very little money stress). I don’t want it to come down to money and when I type this it seems that I would be crazy to choose the working bit, but you see I miss it. I never thought I would ever want to be close to a classroom again, but I want to be…some days.
But I also have this completely different perspective on being at home and just being present with my children (basically me taking care of them 24/7 instead of someone else too). And there are days (you know those days) where I am lying on my floor in defeat begging for a good job because I can’t do this anymore and then other days (you know those too) when I couldn’t imagine giving this up.
I’m just so totally torn in half. It’s truly all a matter of timing and honestly there isn’t much either one of us can do besides give it up to the Lord. It’s that limbo that sucks. That span of time where you really just need to be enjoying your day instead of sitting on the internet researching jobs or hobbies (or venting to the 5 people who read this blog)
So there, I’m venting and it feels so much better.
Now if only tomorrow I could get an answer!