No I didn’t have some epiphany about stepping away from my blog for a while, but I did want to share this because I think it all clarifies what I’ve been pondering of late.
It has dawned on me that I’ve spent the last many, many months gazing dreamily into others lives. I’ve learned a bunch, met some new people and gotten some good tips. But in that I’ve also struggled with trying to model my life so that I can either blog about the awesome thing I’ve done or trying to be someone I’m not. I’ve realized that I’ve been forcing (or trying to) my kids to conform wholly to my life and my time, instead of really enjoying this time I have with them and just being with them in their lives and in their time. I’ve realized that I’ve been trying to be someone that I’m not, on and off the computer.
It has also dawned on me that I am not conversing with my kids really. I’m just living around them. Now, granted we do a lot as a trio, but when we are at home we are all flying solo. As a teacher, I dealt with all kinds of horrible behaviors that I don’t even want to remember (flying books, flying chairs, flying words you name it) and yet most of the time (and in the most “dangerous” times) I kept my cool. Why is that? Because I was always in conversation with them. I’ve realized that my greatest fault lately with my little Rooster is that I have been expecting him to just know how to handle himself and know what I mean when I say “don’t talk back,” but he doesn’t. The past 2 weeks I have started this dialog with him throughout our day as he is in and out of his moods. Things have not been perfect by any means, but I feel more empowered as a mother than I’ve felt in 21 months (since I stopped working to stay home).
So the reason I’m stepping back is because I need to live in my life for a few weeks. I need to just be a mom and figure out how to make it as our schedules start to really change. I’ve have felt really convicted that the number one way to do this is to step away from the blog world.
I’m also stepping back because I want some time to think about where I want Daisyeyes to go. I kind of feel like I’ve been floundering a little lately and I want a vision and a purpose for it besides just a place to vent my thoughts and show off creations. I just don’t know what that is. But I’ll be back and I’ll still be peering inside the blog community I’m sure. Just not as often as I was.