Confessions

I love reading blogs and I love getting ideas. I love writing on this blog. It is a good release for me and it’s also been a good way for me to share the things I’ve been learning, the things I am passionate about and also those things I am working on.
I’ve been thinking for a few weeks now (as we start to struggle with tantrums again…where does this come from???) about the kind of mom and parents we are. It kind of led me to realize that I can’t live up to this unreachable standard I have set for myself. So much of it comes from within, but also from reading all these blogs and seeing snippets of others lives. I want so much what others have (or appear to have) but I know that that is not the path my life is on.
So, here is my confession. I am totally screwed up. I yell at my kids. I get frustrated. I am on the computer too much. I don’t play with my kids enough or respect my husband well enough. My kids watch t.v. (granted it’s 90% PBS) and some days they watch a lot of t.v. I want to homeschool, but I probably never will. I want to do artsy things with my kids, but more often than not I don’t.
But here’s what makes me feel better…I’m forgiven and loved despite all that. My kids are sweet and they love people. They love outside and will be out there for hours if given the chance. We do go places (story time, the library, the park etc) and we do do things that are special.
I’ve discovered that summer is the hardest time for me. It’s the time that I feel the most pressure to do something. I’m trying to relax this summer and just let it be. To just let us be. If we play outside for hours…great. If we stay in and watch a movie…great. I want to teach my kids how to relax. How to enjoy the lazy days of summer and to teach them that we don’t always have to be going and going and doing and doing to have a great time.

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6 thoughts on “Confessions

  1. I think what you say is something we could all say from time to time. I guess I haven’t figured out a way to share my own shortcomings without sounding whiny. You do it here and it sounds so graceful and full of understanding and peace. I do it and sound like a violin 🙂

    Hugs! You are doing great.

  2. I have been struggling with the same things this summer. I am definitely been trying to just “be” with my kids and not be scheduled and over taxed trying to fit it all in. I am really trying to just encourage them to play with no agenda at home but to enjoy life but I mess up more than not by becoming impatient or bored myself. I need to learn the lessons I am trying to instill in my kids too! It sounds like a lot of us struggle with this.

  3. I’m with you 100%. I feel like we as people today are to entertained, always searching for the next activity. We have mandatory rest time/play alone time in our house every day. Which I am hoping will turn into the girls knowing how to sit still, and hopefully one day really listen to God without being to distracted. Versus always filling up their time with the unecessaries (is that a word?) of life. I still yearn for this myself.

  4. Thank you for your confession. Thank you for being honest. My children are older and I want to encourage you to enjoy this time with nothing to do. Enjoy the “lazy days of summer”. See them as a blessing – as this is a very short time and will be gone before you know it. Enjoy that they want to watch PBS or play outside. The older they get the summers become very busy. For the last 2 summers I have longed for days at home with my children, longed for the biggest outing we have is the farmers market. I am looking at this summer and am wondering – “How did this happen – crazy busy yet again”. See this time in your life as a blessing – it will be gone before you know it.
    A friend told me when it came to raising children:
    “The Days are LONG, but the years are SHORT”. – oh so true.

  5. Wow, I could have been reading my own blog entry. With two small children I feel the same way. Some times I am too tired to do much, like yesterday we watched a lot of tv. Right now, baby is nursing to sleep while toddler watches tv and eats macdonalds. We went to the park before it got hot but thats probably the only outing today.

    Like seeing your sewing ideas!

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